Monday, March 31, 2008

Mavs Escape From LA: 93-86

The Dallas Mavericks scraped through the second half of a back to back beating the Los Angeles Clippers 93-86. Both teams played without some of their stars as the Mavs rested injured Dirk Nowitzki and Jerry Stackhouse, while the Clippers didn’t suit up Elton Brand and Tim Thomas. The Clippers played a two man show between Corey Maggette and rookie Al Thornton all night, closing to within three in the final minutes. However, game–ending injuries to Clippers center Chris Kaman and guard Cuttino Mobley eventually caught up to the Clippers, and Josh Howard put the game out of reach with a couple of clutch jumpers pushing the lead back to 11 with less than two minutes to play.

The Mavs don’t have much time to relish this win, as they must prepare to host Golden State on Wednesday. The win gives the Mavericks sole possession of seventh place in the Western Conference.

I would have liked to have blogged more, but have been rendered impotent by a lack of locker room access.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Freefallin': Mavs Lose to Warriors

Playing without star forward Dirk Nowitzki and Jerry Stackhouse, the Mavs dropped another game to Nellieball tonight, falling 104-114 at Oracle Arena. The Mavericks have now lost two in a row, and five of their past six. The team that won 67 games last year, is now tied with Denver and Golden State for the last two Western Conference playoff spots. Dallas holds the tiebreaker and is sitting tenuously at seventh place. Although things get a little easier for the shorthanded Mavericks when they visit the woeful Clippers tomorrow night, they can't afford to look ahead to upcoming tough games against the Warriors, Lakers, and Suns.

I would blog more, but I wasn't afforded access to the Mavericks Locker Room.


Today is the one-day anniversary of this blog. Actually, anniversary is incorrect since it hasn’t been a year, but nevertheless I’m celebrating the birthday of this blog. This blog was born yesterday in response to Mark Cuban’s open invitation for bloggers to apply for locker room access to the Dallas Mavericks. And so to celebrate our birthday, let’s handicap our competition for blogger locker room access. To make it more fun, we’ll break them down based on crappy musical references.

Milli Vanilli. So named because they seem to have a very superficial desire/experience to be a blogger. Most of these “bloggers” don’t have blogs and are just rabid Mavericks fan who drool at the notion of seeing their favorite basketball player naked. Odds 25 to 1.

Spice Girls. These are the “Wannabe(s).” (You know you’re singing that song in your head right now. If you wanna be my lover…). These bloggers want to be journalists, but instead of opening the door to a future career with hard hitting stories, they’re hoping that writing what is essentially an email to everyone about really tall guys who have just showered is going to create opportunities. Don’t they know that today’s journalist just makes up stories and facts? They can be identified by dropping portions of their resume in their blog. Odds 10 to 1.

Marilyn Manson. These guys are just scary. Some say they want locker room access to take pictures. Others say they plan on posting a lot of pictures. Hmmm, maybe a locker room where grown men shower, change clothes, and sit around naked or half-naked isn’t exactly the place brag about wanting to take pictures. I shudder to think of why they think they need locker room access for their “photojournalism.” I guess they’re hoping for their big break into Playgirl. Odds 100 to 1.

The Jackson Five. In his blog, Cuban asked for 8th graders and also referenced allowing a 13 year old to write about the Mavericks. It sounds like he’d love to place a pre-pubescent prodigy in the locker room. He’d love the upstart to actually do a better job than the professional bloggers. The problem here is that Cuban will need to check birth certificates, because real 8th graders don’t typically use words like “insinuate.” You’ll get guys that look older than Greg Oden saying that they’re in the 8th grade just to get into the locker room. Still, I think the real 8th graders have an excellent chance of being accepted. Odds 2 to 1.

Britney Spears. These are fans of the Mavs who as a fan, somehow feel that it’s their team and that they know more than the so-called experts. They’re separated from the Milli Vanilli’s in that they actually plan on bringing something to the table. These people are delusional and believe that they actually have talent, and that someone actually cares about what they think. Of course they really don’t have talent or any significant basketball experience validating their opinions, but it would be worth it allow them into the locker room, and much like Britney, after they’ve made it, they’ll spiral out of control, shave their heads, and show up pantyless until they get sent to Parkland’s psych ward. These guys probably have a good chance of making it in, just so that Cuban can show that he’s “not discriminating.” Odds 5 to 1.

So, it’ll be interesting to see who makes Cuban’s cut. If I’m right it’ll be a mix of the pre-pubescent, the panty-less, and the penniless college students. Yeah, I’m sure the Mavs players are looking forward to this.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Hey Benefactor, pick me!!

I don’t like the Dallas Mavericks.

This statement alone should cause Mark Cuban to immediately stop reading this and move onto the next blogger.

My intent is not to annoy Mr. Cuban, but rather to test him. He aims to open up the Mavericks’ locker room to any blogger.

If he truly wants to see how allowing access to the “Joes” of the blogging world affects locker room coverage, then I’m his man.

A neophyte to the blogging world, I read Mr. Cuban’s blog for advice as to how to blog. He wrote, “troll the net looking for other people's work and then throw out some witty comments or a simple rant to complement a link to that work.” There I just did it. Hey! This blogging stuff is easy! I think that last line qualifies as a witty comment (witty can be argued, but it is a comment), so I must be a great blogger now!

I’ve just recently moved from Houston, so the only blogging I’ve done is on the Houston Chronicle’s website in regards to the Rockets. Mr. Cuban hit the nail on the head in describing my previous work when he wrote, “they sit in front of the TV and throw out posts/comments about the game.”

My comments would go along the lines of “She-Mac’s always hurt, trade him!” Never mind that I have no idea of his actual status, how much pain he’s in, or the extent of his injury. Or (before their 22 game win streak), I’d write something like, “This team stinks, that Adelman’s an idiot!” Never mind that he’s been to the NBA finals twice or has over 800 wins, I know more than he does, because I’m a blogger!

But of course, being in the Dallas Mavericks’ locker room, I couldn’t cover the Houston Rockets (like I said, I just moved here, so give me time to switch allegiances. BTW, letting me cover the Mavs is a good start on said switch). I agree with Mr. Cuban in that I don’t see the point of the bloggers having to have locker room access. Isn’t what counts on the court? With that said, I don’t plan on blogging about the Mavericks. I’m not going to waste his players’ time asking them what their favorite color is or why they missed a particular shot (as if they missed it on purpose). I intend to blog about the bloggers in the locker room.

I intend to write about them, what they’re doing. I’ll interject every now and then. For example, here’s a theoretical exchange I’ve already acted out in my brain:
Pseudojournalist: “Jason Kidd, do you think this trade has made the Mavericks a worser team?”
Me before Mr. Kidd can answer: “WTF! First of all, ‘worser’ is not a word. Ignoring your ignorance of the English language, what do you expect him to say? ‘Yeah, I suck?’ Come on!”

Here’s another example of what I would offer:
Wannabe-journalist: “Avery, do you think that you should have had Jason Kidd in there at the end of the game?”
Me: “You’re asking him that?! If he thought that Jason Kidd should have been in there, wouldn’t he have put him in? He’s the freakin’ coach for goodness sake! Should he have had him in there? Well, they lost, which means that whatever he did was the wrong choice . So yes, he should have had him in there. Of course he’s not going to say that because that would be tantamount to saying, ‘I don’t know what I’m doing.’ Speaking of not knowing what they’re doing…”

These bloggers are just going to waste your players’ time, so I intend to waste theirs. Why should they go in the locker room and ask about Dirk’s injury? How is blogger X’s knowledge of Dirk’s personal medical opinion going to change anything at all?

I could go on, but I have to save some for future rants, err blogs. God bless the First Amendment.